 Check out the bookstore at IRBS.com |
|
|
|
|||||
|
||||||
Subject: Re: [world-cruising] Women on the Water
From: Harry James (welshman@XXX.XXX)
Date: Sun Apr 13 2003 - 02:25:27 EDT
Dudette
I forwarded you the original and this one more to start a conversation than
than anything else. You often have very good comments and insites about the
difference between men abnd woman.
HJ
> >Hi, everyone...
> >
> >I've been mostly a lurker here for 2 or 3 years, I guess -- my hubby and I
> >live aboard in the Pacific North-West.
> >
> >I'm sponsoring a project this summer, and I need to do a little 'research'
> >which I'm hoping some of you might help me with. We constantly hear from
> >women that cruising/living aboard/boating is more their husband's idea of
> >fun, and they either 'go along' with it -- or not. (Hence heartache,
> > broken dreams, sold boats and even divorces....) And it's obvious that
> > there are very few women 'going it alone' - cruising/living aboard, etc.
> > (Oh, I know there are some, but in percentages? Negligible, I suspect!)
> >
> >So ... what I want to know is this: women, what are the barriers, to you,
> >to enjoying the lifestyle as much as your partner does? or even more
> >specifically, what stops you from cruising alone? (I know the obvious
> >answer is that you have a partner, thankyou very much .... but what if you
> >didn't? would you do it alone? if not, why not?)
> >
> >And guys, what do YOU think are the barriers to women enjoying cruising as
> >much as men do .... either with you, or by themselves?
>
> You might post this question on the
> world_women_cruisers@XXX.XXX Some of them do sail alone just
> because they don't have partners. It has also been discussed a bit on
> the live-aboard list - you might do a google search of the archives.
>
> The thread I remember best was Observations on the Cruising Life and
> variations on that (more observations) and it was c July 2001
>
> Right after that I wrote:
>
> --------
> Subject: lv-ab: Reasons why there appear to be less women sailing.
> From: "Rosalie B." <gmbeasley@XXX.XXX>
> Date: Fri, 03 Aug 2001 23:19:05 -0400
>
> Dick said:
> >The posts in this thread so far seem to imply that men are different
> >from women when it comes to enjoying living on a boat, i.e., most men
> >enjoy it, and most women don't. I wonder if that's really the case, or
> >if men and women enjoy or dislike a live-aboard lifestyle in pretty much
> >equal numbers, but only the ones whose interests aren't matched up in
> >this respect are responding here so far?
>
> Marce wrote:
> >This topic is close to my heart because it frustrates me that I'm the only
> >woman in my sailing circle. Whether it's quiet cruising, ocean passages or
> >ocean racing, it's always me and the men.
>
> I've been thinking ever since this topic came up about what makes the
> difference between men and women in regard to living aboard and
> cruising. I doubt that it is entirely due to selfish, lazy, empty
> headed women anymore than it is due to obnoxious, controlling,
> pigheaded men.
>
> I think there are the following possibilities:
>
> 1) There are more men in sailing (or boating) than there are women,
> for whatever reason. So therefore, there are more men who will have
> the desire to sail and live aboard. There are still less men that
> want to sail than there are men in the general population, and there
> are many men who do NOT want to sail or live aboard, but since there
> are less women who sail and want to live aboard than there are men who
> want to live aboard, that means that there are also less couples where
> the woman is the one who wants to sail and the man doesn't. This
> makes it appear that women are the only ones that are anchored to
> shore.
>
> 2) Women are more likely, because of societal mores and upbringing, to
> subjugate their desires and goals to those of the family. It is still
> pretty unusual for a man to stay home and mind the kids, and it is
> usually the wife who has to give up her job and move if the husband is
> transferred to a different location. So perhaps women get used to
> their goals and desires being seen as less important, and they give
> them up more easily and make do with what they can have. Whereas the
> men just go off and single hand (complaining all the while), leaving
> the wife behind.
>
> Think about SCUBA diving. There are many men who like to scuba dive.
> These men are often married. They dive alone (that is without their
> wives - with their male buddies) and no one thinks anything about it.
> But it is rare for women to have a non-diving partner. The difference
> is that scuba is a sport or recreation that doesn't require
> participation as a couple, and cruising and living aboard is more a
> lifestyle than a sport.
>
> 3) Differing perceptions of risk and reactions to risk. Since women
> have less experience with sailing it may appear riskier than it is.
> Because men are often the captain and thus in charge, the easiest way
> to deal with the perception of risk is to withdraw from the risky
> activity. If someone has control of the risk, they are more likely to
> be able to handle it. Women are often not in control.
>
> Another sport that is risky is equestrian competition (I point to
> Christopher Reeves as an example). I myself am afraid of horses. All
> my children were quite good riders, and three of the four of them
> competed at the lower levels of eventing which is an Olympic sport.
> One of them is now a professional horse trainer and judge. One of
> them managed a stable for a time and broke thoroughbreds for the
> track.
>
> In the US, most horseback riders outside of the rodeo circuit are
> women. Of my three SILs, one DIL and three BILs, 4 of the 7 of them
> (3 men and 1 woman) have forbidden their families to ride because they
> perceive it as too dangerous. All of the wet-blanket persons are
> completely inexperienced in the horse world, although one of them is a
> sailor, one is a pilot AND a sailor, and one of them is into sports
> in a majorly way.. My niece married a man who was a dressage judge,
> and she wanted to become a jockey. He forbade her to do that, so she
> divorced him.
>
> So in areas where women feel they are in control, and where they have
> some training and expertise, they are not afraid of risk.
>
> 4) Women may feel that they can "change" a man once they are married.
> Or he may not have communicated to her what his desires are, or she
> may not have communicated to him why she doesn't want him to do that.
>
> I read an article in Reader's Digest the other day which said that
> 56% of married couples had dreams of things they wanted to do, but had
> never communicated them to their spouse, and at least half of these
> desires were to travel with the spouse. This is both men and women.
> So lack of communication may be part of the problem.
>
> The idea of living aboard and cruising didn't come up in our marriage
> until about 10 years ago (after 32 years of marriage). We hadn't even
> owned any boats that one could live aboard, and I had no idea how to
> sail.
>
> end quoted passage ------
>
> To this I will add that there are some hobbies and lifestyles that
> lend themselves to living aboard and some that are difficult to
> maintain. Gardening is difficult to do from a boat if you are
> traveling around at all and not just living aboard at the dock.
>
> And it is a little more difficult to birth and raise a family on a
> boat which may tie the wife to land.
>
> grandma Rosalie
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> world-cruising-unsubscribe@XXX.XXX
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->
Make Money Online Auctions! Make $500.00 or We Will Give You Thirty Dollars for Trying!
http://us.click.yahoo.com/yMx78A/fNtFAA/i5gGAA/A1TolB/TM
---------------------------------------------------------------------~->
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
world-cruising-unsubscribe@XXX.XXX
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
|