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Subject: Re: [world-cruising] Women on the Water
From: Rosalie B. (gmbeasley@XXX.XXX)
Date: Wed Apr 09 2003 - 23:38:44 EDT
On Wed, 09 Apr 2003 19:41:31 -0700, you wrote:
>Hi, everyone...
>
>I've been mostly a lurker here for 2 or 3 years, I guess -- my hubby and I
>live aboard in the Pacific North-West.
>
>I'm sponsoring a project this summer, and I need to do a little 'research'
>which I'm hoping some of you might help me with. We constantly hear from
>women that cruising/living aboard/boating is more their husband's idea of
>fun, and they either 'go along' with it -- or not. (Hence heartache, broken
>dreams, sold boats and even divorces....) And it's obvious that there are
>very few women 'going it alone' - cruising/living aboard, etc. (Oh, I know
>there are some, but in percentages? Negligible, I suspect!)
>
>So ... what I want to know is this: women, what are the barriers, to you,
>to enjoying the lifestyle as much as your partner does? or even more
>specifically, what stops you from cruising alone? (I know the obvious
>answer is that you have a partner, thankyou very much .... but what if you
>didn't? would you do it alone? if not, why not?)
>
>And guys, what do YOU think are the barriers to women enjoying cruising as
>much as men do .... either with you, or by themselves?
>
You might post this question on the
world_women_cruisers@XXX.XXX Some of them do sail alone just
because they don't have partners. It has also been discussed a bit on
the live-aboard list - you might do a google search of the archives.
The thread I remember best was Observations on the Cruising Life and
variations on that (more observations) and it was c July 2001
Right after that I wrote:
--------
Subject: lv-ab: Reasons why there appear to be less women sailing.
From: "Rosalie B." <gmbeasley@XXX.XXX>
Date: Fri, 03 Aug 2001 23:19:05 -0400
Dick said:
>The posts in this thread so far seem to imply that men are different
>from women when it comes to enjoying living on a boat, i.e., most men
>enjoy it, and most women don't. I wonder if that's really the case, or
>if men and women enjoy or dislike a live-aboard lifestyle in pretty much
>equal numbers, but only the ones whose interests aren't matched up in
>this respect are responding here so far?
Marce wrote:
>
>This topic is close to my heart because it frustrates me that I'm the only
>woman in my sailing circle. Whether it's quiet cruising, ocean passages or
>ocean racing, it's always me and the men.
I've been thinking ever since this topic came up about what makes the
difference between men and women in regard to living aboard and
cruising. I doubt that it is entirely due to selfish, lazy, empty
headed women anymore than it is due to obnoxious, controlling,
pigheaded men.
I think there are the following possibilities:
1) There are more men in sailing (or boating) than there are women,
for whatever reason. So therefore, there are more men who will have
the desire to sail and live aboard. There are still less men that
want to sail than there are men in the general population, and there
are many men who do NOT want to sail or live aboard, but since there
are less women who sail and want to live aboard than there are men who
want to live aboard, that means that there are also less couples where
the woman is the one who wants to sail and the man doesn't. This
makes it appear that women are the only ones that are anchored to
shore.
2) Women are more likely, because of societal mores and upbringing, to
subjugate their desires and goals to those of the family. It is still
pretty unusual for a man to stay home and mind the kids, and it is
usually the wife who has to give up her job and move if the husband is
transferred to a different location. So perhaps women get used to
their goals and desires being seen as less important, and they give
them up more easily and make do with what they can have. Whereas the
men just go off and single hand (complaining all the while), leaving
the wife behind.
Think about SCUBA diving. There are many men who like to scuba dive.
These men are often married. They dive alone (that is without their
wives - with their male buddies) and no one thinks anything about it.
But it is rare for women to have a non-diving partner. The difference
is that scuba is a sport or recreation that doesn't require
participation as a couple, and cruising and living aboard is more a
lifestyle than a sport.
3) Differing perceptions of risk and reactions to risk. Since women
have less experience with sailing it may appear riskier than it is.
Because men are often the captain and thus in charge, the easiest way
to deal with the perception of risk is to withdraw from the risky
activity. If someone has control of the risk, they are more likely to
be able to handle it. Women are often not in control.
Another sport that is risky is equestrian competition (I point to
Christopher Reeves as an example). I myself am afraid of horses. All
my children were quite good riders, and three of the four of them
competed at the lower levels of eventing which is an Olympic sport.
One of them is now a professional horse trainer and judge. One of
them managed a stable for a time and broke thoroughbreds for the
track.
In the US, most horseback riders outside of the rodeo circuit are
women. Of my three SILs, one DIL and three BILs, 4 of the 7 of them
(3 men and 1 woman) have forbidden their families to ride because they
perceive it as too dangerous. All of the wet-blanket persons are
completely inexperienced in the horse world, although one of them is a
sailor, one is a pilot AND a sailor, and one of them is into sports
in a majorly way.. My niece married a man who was a dressage judge,
and she wanted to become a jockey. He forbade her to do that, so she
divorced him.
So in areas where women feel they are in control, and where they have
some training and expertise, they are not afraid of risk.
4) Women may feel that they can "change" a man once they are married.
Or he may not have communicated to her what his desires are, or she
may not have communicated to him why she doesn't want him to do that.
I read an article in Reader's Digest the other day which said that
56% of married couples had dreams of things they wanted to do, but had
never communicated them to their spouse, and at least half of these
desires were to travel with the spouse. This is both men and women.
So lack of communication may be part of the problem.
The idea of living aboard and cruising didn't come up in our marriage
until about 10 years ago (after 32 years of marriage). We hadn't even
owned any boats that one could live aboard, and I had no idea how to
sail.
end quoted passage ------
To this I will add that there are some hobbies and lifestyles that
lend themselves to living aboard and some that are difficult to
maintain. Gardening is difficult to do from a boat if you are
traveling around at all and not just living aboard at the dock.
And it is a little more difficult to birth and raise a family on a
boat which may tie the wife to land.
grandma Rosalie
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