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From: (no name) (no email)
Date: Tue Dec 02 2003 - 11:52:30 EST
If you've already seen this, I apologize, but it gave me a chuckle this
morning:
In the event that you would like to identify more closely with what life is
like living aboard, try the following for a week:
1. Sleep on the shelf of your closet. Make sure you first dampen your
sheets a little with a mixture of sea salt and water.
2. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
3. Two hours after you go to sleep, have your wife (husband or neighbor)
whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, "Your watch."
4. Renovate your bathroom by building a wall across the middle of the tub
and moving the shower head to chest level. Throw out your toilet and replace it
with a child's training potty. Store the contents in a 15 gallon Tupperware
container until the container is full. You may dispose of the contents only
at an approved pumpout station three miles offshore.
5. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.
6. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
7. Every time there's a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and
rock as hard as you can until you get nauseous.
8. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High."
9. Don't watch TV except movies in the middle of the night; have your family
vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one; only watch stations
that have absolutely no reception.
10. Start up the lawnmower in your living room every day and let it run for
a couple of hours.
11. Once a week, blow compressed air up through your chimney, making sure
the wind carries soot across onto your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he
curses you.
12. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store the garbage in
your tub.
13. Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale
or moldy bread.
14. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your
food cabinets or refrigerator.
15. Set your alarm clock off at random times during the night. When it goes
off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run out into
your back yard and break out the garden hose.
16. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put
each one back together again.
17. Add 1/2 teaspoon of chlorine per pot of coffee and allow it to sit for
five or six hours before drinking.
18. Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a
couple of months.
19. Have a flourescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and
lie under it to read books.
20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills on your front and back
doors so that you either trip over the threshhold or hit your head onthe sill
every time you pass through one of them.
21. Dirty every dish/pot/pan/glass/utensil in the house before hand-washing
them all in the bathroom sink.
22. Lockwire the lug nuts on your car.
23. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it's baking.
Spread icing really thick on that side to level the top.
24. Every so often, throw your cat into the pool, shout, "Man overboard,
ship recovery!". Retrieve it using the clothesline.
25. Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots/pans/dishes off the counter
onto the floor, then yell at your wife/husband for not having the place
"stowed for sea."
Anonymous
Retyped by Joe Dinan
s/v Moon Goddess
Ft. Lauderdale
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